You’re Worth More

Disclaimer: I’m a woman(Duh). Never wanted to be anything else. I’m not a parent, wife, or girlfriend. So take the rest of this post with a grain of salt. Also, this may be a long post and it’s clear I was rambling…Sorry 🤦🏽‍♀️

Sooooo,

While I do feel like black women don’t get the credit they deserve, something hit me, while talking to a good guy friend of mine.

Are we, society, women,men, parents, grandparents, village members, etc teaching young boys who eventually become men, their worth?

Let’s think about. Everyone is familiar with the Cindrella fairytale.

Sidebar: Brandy × Whitney Houston’s performance is thee only Cinderella and Fairy Godmother duo we acknowledge over here. Do NOT debate me.

Back to the discussion at hand, boys, men, their worth. Where is their Disney Prince story? I’m not trying to fight for equal rights in this post, just want to open the dialogue, cousin.

My homeboy and I were texting in reference to his relationship and he texted me, “at least she texted back”. Now under normal circumstances, that may have not been such a thorn in my side, but mannnn, that shit rubbed me all wrong. “At least”. 🗣🗣 “AT LEAST” Cousin, do you read me, at least?! Noooooooooo, church! Not okay.

The issue I have with that statement lies in the word “least”. Why do we think that the least of something is the standard or even acceptable? Okay, so you’re probably thinking “what’s the problem?” The problem is, had this been one of my girlfriends/sister friends, I would’ve stopped traffic, declared a state of emergency and wanted to cancel the relationship that would’ve resulted in my girl believing that “at least he texted me back” was okay. FOH ✌🏽. The subsequent conversation from me to her would be something like, “Sis, you are a Queen. Remember who you are and whose you are. Know your worth! You don’t want no negro that got you feelin’ like you need to be grateful for his least…” That’s just a small part of the continual conversation that would take place.

My question, where is that conversation or support for men? Here’s the thing, I can easily pour into my fellow sister like that, but do men have that capability? Are we telling our young men their worth and value at an early age, so that over time, they, too, can pour into their homeboy? I know men’s emotions are not set up like that of a woman, however, I still believe! I am notorious for pouring into my guy friends. I’m that friend.

Society will tell a woman what she isn’t supposed to stand for in a relationship sense, make no mistake, shit is rocky, so none of this is Bible. We all have come in contact with a woman who has dealt with a septic tank’s worth of shit from a man, so I’m not discounting that experience. Men have to put up with a lot of crazy from women, too. I’m fair! However, the biggest difference is, I find women have a great support system, breathing and pouring life into them.

On a larger scale, our men, black men, are easy prey to a society that wasn’t made with them in mind. I play around with the idea that if we told our black men they are kings and they have value before they found themselves in trouble maybe they could circumvent certain obstacles in life. That’s a tall order to think about but you get my drift….at least I hope so 😬

I am just rambling because I have a brother, nephews and one day, with the Lord’s help, I may have a son and I want him, them and you too, Cousin, to know that it’s imperative that men know their worth. So if no one has told you before, prayerfully, I’m one of many, YOU HAVE WORTH!

With Worth,

❤E❤

No, Please. Stop.

Cousin,

I’ve find myself struggling with compliments. Do you?

I had a guy recently tell me, “You are wearing the hell out of that dress”. Now, I probably should’ve been over the moon and while I appreciated the compliment, I did find myself a little uneasy. (He wasn’t a creeper or anything) Maybe deep down, I’m still not accustomed to my new body, (we’ll discuss that later) or I have a little bit of a self-esteem issue. I’m not sure. I’ll downplay myself all day, despite 1% of me, feeling like I’m pretty dope.

Let’s take vanity off the table. I work in healthcare admin and one of the key players in the company complemented me on my work and I politely and passively said thank you.

Sidebar: No matter how uncomfortable it may be to receive compliments, do NOT make people feel bad for compliementing you or worse, regretting they even did it.

He reiterated how much he enjoys reading my emails as they are so clear and concise. I’m glad to know the Business & Professional Communication class, I took in college has paid off, even if them student loans ain’t 😂😂.

Some other members of the team began to cosign and shout out my work ethic and how much of a joy it is to work with me. Listennnnn, if I was a narcissist, my life would’ve been made, but I’m a introved realist, that shit almost killed me 😬. My anxiety began to rise and my supervisor, bless her heart, she knows I don’t like too much attention and I hate having to socialize. She swooped in like a mother hen and got her little chickadee out of there.

What is wrong with me? Most people would love to receive praise at work. I am glad my hard work is being recognized, but if no one said anything, I would honestly not care. I don’t believe in congratulating fish for swimming 🤷🏽‍♀️. I know that’s harsh, but I’m just being honest.

So with all of that, I’ll say this, if you’re a Believer, we know that we were created in His image and likeness, you better believe people see our greatness more than we do. Jesus was merely fulfilling an assignment, meanwhile, we, see the grace, mercy and the selflessness of He and God. You don’t have to walk around as though you are that dude or that chick, your humility will speak VOLUMES! If you find yourself getting a lot of praise or compliments, it could be due to the fact that you operate in the right spirit- the spirit of humility. Now, if you walkin’ around like your shit don’t stink, you can’t reasonably expect someone to give you a compliment, especially somebody like me 🤨. Shiiiiiiiiit! I ain’t even got the time. One of my best friends told me, stop selling myself short. I am worthy! So are you, fam. So are you!

So with 2 months left in 2019, no more selling yourself short, Cousin. You can still be humble and receive your just due. You’re the shit! Know it. Believe it.

❤E❤

Story Time: An Uncomfortable Decision

Cousin!  If you’ve been living under a rock, let me bring you up to speed; it’s Hurricane Season. If you live/d in certain parts of the world, you know that Hurricane Season is probably the worst part of the year, aside from SoFlo and their summer time temperatures all year round. I have never experienced anything as severe as Katrina, Andrew, or most recent Harvey and Irma-kinda sorta. Many blessings to anyone affected by the most recent set of natural disasters-Hurricanes, Wildfires, Earthquakes, etc. Lowkey, this hike in gas prices is a natural disaster to my pocket, but that’s beside the point.

Hurricane Irma presented herself in the ocean some days ago and from the time I saw it, I knew this storm was coming toward SoFlo with a vengeance. I am not one of those people who likes to test Mother Nature and wait for the “storm to turn” or pray it away and not prepare. Let me be clear, I prayed for the storm to turn (and it did), but someone once told me, “Faith without work is dead”, therefore, while I wanted the storm to turn and I made sure I prepared myself and my family. Worst case scenario, the storm diverts and I am blessed to have all this food and water and electricity at my disposal. This is just for free, when you’re praying for a storm not to hit and “go somewhere else”, be careful because there are people somewhere else, so pray for their strength and wherewithal in the midst of destruction. I’m off the soapbox now, cousin.

Okay, now I know you’re wondering, what the hell my poorly arranged natural disaster spiel have to do with the title of this blog, just hold on cousin, I’ll tell you. When I realized that Hurricane Irma was coming into my neck of the woods as a possible Category 4, I called my aunt in The A, and let her know what was going on and she told me to pack everybody up and come on. Just a quick geographical note, in case you forgot, Florida is sitting next to the Atlantic Ocean and then the Gulf of Mexico on the other side. In short: YOU GET A FLOOD, YOU GET A FLOOD, YOU GET A FLOOD! The Lord didn’t give me gills, phins or that Michael Phelps, therefore battling the flood wasn’t looking too good to me. I consistently saw that my family was dragging their feet and in my opinion taking it a little too lightly. No shade to them, they’re Jamaica to di whirl!! Cousin, don’t act like you don’t have some island relatives, you know they would want to ride out the storm in their own space because “Bad mon nuh fraid ah no storm”!

The days leading up to the storm, our area was still in the cone of catastrophe and I am not afraid to say it, I HAVE NO SURVIVAL SKILLS! I wasn’t a Girl Scout, Super Trooper, or MacGyver. I am not made to tough it like that. I didn’t want to be one of those people who was sitting on their roof waving for help, walking in the waist deep water trying to find shelter or literally fighting to safe myself and my family. I am being so honest with you, cousin, I understand people who have been in the aforementioned situations, didn’t wish that upon themselves and I was going to need to be proactive if I didn’t want to have that same fate.

So……..

I left by myself, no family, no nothing. Cousin, now I know you over there with the screwed up face. I love the shit out of my family, but I am also understanding different facets of adulthood. No one wanted to leave for a number of reasons which was fine with me, but I cleared it! Now the storm did shift and we didn’t take a direct hit and I am still glad I left. Hell the Hurricane lowkey followed me on a smaller scale though. I know you’re probably thinking, what about the time and the money, hell the family…. Time is fixed, how you spend it is variable, I spent $47 in gas leaving the state and my family was accepting as to whatever lay ahead of them when they watched me pull off.  When I left, everybody was on the “We didn’t think you were serious….Oh, you were serious….You just left us”, the worst part is, I laugh and think to myself, hell damn yes and I would do it again. You can only relate this if you got some island in your blood: You never go against the grain and you had better tread lightly when you start trying to chart your own path because someone will mess around, get in their feelings and have you feeling like you’re the bad guy.

I want to encourage you cousin, especially if you’re a young adult, the decisions that you make may be unfavorable to some people around you, which I think may have the potential to be the best ones. If you’re popping pills, living life with no ambition, putting yourself in immediate danger, then you are going to need to reevaluate. Send me a message and I will pray for whatever may be afflicting you. When you’re living your life, as hard as it may be, you have got to be firm in your stance and make some uncomfortable decisions. If you’re not feeling any level of discomfort, you may have become too complacent and you’re not growing like you need to. This little solo excursion of mine was really an eye-opening experience for my inner bad ass. I know now, more than ever, I cannot deny myself certain decisions for fear of how it will be make someone else feel-even family. I am not telling you to give everyone the middle finger and do you, but I am telling you, people don’t get to make your decisions and then you live with the consequences. That shit just ain’t right!

♥E♥