No, Please. Stop.

Cousin,

I’ve find myself struggling with compliments. Do you?

I had a guy recently tell me, “You are wearing the hell out of that dress”. Now, I probably should’ve been over the moon and while I appreciated the compliment, I did find myself a little uneasy. (He wasn’t a creeper or anything) Maybe deep down, I’m still not accustomed to my new body, (we’ll discuss that later) or I have a little bit of a self-esteem issue. I’m not sure. I’ll downplay myself all day, despite 1% of me, feeling like I’m pretty dope.

Let’s take vanity off the table. I work in healthcare admin and one of the key players in the company complemented me on my work and I politely and passively said thank you.

Sidebar: No matter how uncomfortable it may be to receive compliments, do NOT make people feel bad for compliementing you or worse, regretting they even did it.

He reiterated how much he enjoys reading my emails as they are so clear and concise. I’m glad to know the Business & Professional Communication class, I took in college has paid off, even if them student loans ain’t 😂😂.

Some other members of the team began to cosign and shout out my work ethic and how much of a joy it is to work with me. Listennnnn, if I was a narcissist, my life would’ve been made, but I’m a introved realist, that shit almost killed me 😬. My anxiety began to rise and my supervisor, bless her heart, she knows I don’t like too much attention and I hate having to socialize. She swooped in like a mother hen and got her little chickadee out of there.

What is wrong with me? Most people would love to receive praise at work. I am glad my hard work is being recognized, but if no one said anything, I would honestly not care. I don’t believe in congratulating fish for swimming 🤷🏽‍♀️. I know that’s harsh, but I’m just being honest.

So with all of that, I’ll say this, if you’re a Believer, we know that we were created in His image and likeness, you better believe people see our greatness more than we do. Jesus was merely fulfilling an assignment, meanwhile, we, see the grace, mercy and the selflessness of He and God. You don’t have to walk around as though you are that dude or that chick, your humility will speak VOLUMES! If you find yourself getting a lot of praise or compliments, it could be due to the fact that you operate in the right spirit- the spirit of humility. Now, if you walkin’ around like your shit don’t stink, you can’t reasonably expect someone to give you a compliment, especially somebody like me 🤨. Shiiiiiiiiit! I ain’t even got the time. One of my best friends told me, stop selling myself short. I am worthy! So are you, fam. So are you!

So with 2 months left in 2019, no more selling yourself short, Cousin. You can still be humble and receive your just due. You’re the shit! Know it. Believe it.

❤E❤

Get Some Couch Time

Black people! Question: Y’all still think or believe going to therapy is a “white people thing”?

I’m amazed, here we are in 2019 and we, black people, still running with that BS narrative. Oh, so you got Jesus and “what goes on in this house stays in this house”, so therapy isn’t for “us”.

When you cut yourself, you clean the cut, apply the necessary ointment, and you may even apply a bandage, depending on the severity of the infirmity. (That made me feel so smart,😜😂) We don’t allow anyone to deter us from treating a cut. Mental Health is NO different, cousin. Trauma is nothing more than an internal cut; the same steps: cleaning, applying and addressing the trauma take place in THERAPY! I guess one could argue, since you’re not bleeding out, the urgency isn’t there 🤔🤔🤔? Don’t fall victim to that mindset.

I gots my Jesus and I gots me a therapist. Judge ya mama! This past weekend was transformative. I unearthed some issues and dealt with some things that I know were hindering my growth. I know I will have more dark days, but after breaking down, I had one hell of a breakthrough. Couch time changes the game. Here’s the thing, people only know what you tell them. If you feel people in your circle can’t handle you getting the help you need, you got more work to do than you realize. Before you see a therapist, reevaluate your social circle-family included, cousin.

My relationship with my Heavenly Father will forever be my first line of defense. Admittedly, that hasn’t been the case recently, but that’s because I’ve allowed myself to believe that self-pity and self-loathing were my only options. I know I need to stand up in my shit and do my part, but that’s easier said than done. Telling someone you’re seeing a therapist, in the black community, in this present time, brings about a myriad of responses: “s/he crazy”, “you need to go to church”, “that’s for white folk”, “stop being dramatic (extra)” or one of my favorites, “you wasting your money. Can’t nobody tell me nothing about myself”. Cousin, how is that when we go drop hundreds of dollars on sneakers, bundles, labels, manicures, etc, yet, we’re not telling each other, “you’re wasting your money”, especially when all that eventually starts to shift, lift and lean to the left. Instead, we get to our Mental Health and want to choose the clearance options. We make provisions for vanity, but not our health?? 🤔

I’m not trying to beat up on anyone, quiet the opposite, actually, I want to free us, even if it’s just one of us. It takes money to invest in a business, right? Look at yourself as a business-INVE$T! Your mental health is paramount, cousin. Believe what I say. I know we all pride ourselves on being strong, but here’s the thing, seeing a therapist doesn’t make you weak. Moreover, in life, you may feel weak and that’s okay! What’s not okay? Not getting the help you know you want or need, for fear of how those around you will respond. Pardon my brash tongue, 🗣 Fuck them 🤷🏽‍♀️

If nothing else, know this: What you don’t deal with, will deal with you!

Mental Health isn’t taboo. Therapy isn’t taboo. Seeing a therapist doesn’t mean you’re crazy. If you’re sad and don’t know why, that’s okay. Let’s shed some tears, begin the process, stay committed to the process and break the strongholds. Everybody has some kind of emotional baggage or trauma; let’s stop running from our issues and figure out which bags we need to start unpacking to lighten our load.

This post is dedicated to one of my new favorite people, Dr. Jason, thee best therapist this side of the couch cushion.

♥E♥

A Necessary Push

This post is dedicated to someone who has grown so close to me in the last few months. I feel like I’ve known her all my life and you can’t tell me NOTHING about this girl. She is truly, my sister from another mister!

Sooooo,

I am a creature of habit; same way home daily, same gas stations, same food order, I guess boring or safe is the right word. (Maybe for my safety, I need to change it up 🥴)

Recently, I’ve been trying to do things a little different, just subtle changes; too much too fast and I will shut down on life! This is not to sound pompous or anything, but people really do like being around me, they say I’m funny, but I am merely just a very candid, warped sense of humor kind of girl. But hey, I will take the compliment.

With that being said, I have a very hard time getting out of my comfort zone. Typically, once my mind is made up, it’s made up (of course certain situations require certain accommodations). I do not like to come out of my turtle shell. It is bad, like MJ bad. You cannot call me at noon and want to go to lunch at 2 or 3 in the afternoon. NERP! Too soon. I have to be able to go to the Kubler-Ross’s stages of death and dying. I know that is so dramatic, but it’s necessary for me! If I can’t go through the stages, I literally am filled with anxiety and while I may smile and “enjoy” myself, once it’s all said and done, I’m beyond exasperated. I am almost weak and upset. I know cousin, I’m extra, but so are you!

With all that being said, it’s abundantly clear that going out/leaving my house is a task of magnificent proportions. I am a work, church, grocery store and home kind of girl; of course, I do have my sociable moments, but I have to genuinely, in my heart want to do it. Those moments are the best! I’m not lonely or anything, I just genuinely like being in my house, by myself. It goes without saying, I’m very single and have not the first piece of a child.

Last Sunday, I got out of my comfort zone! Yay me! Sundays, which for me consists of: church, maybe I’ll check on my grandparents and it’s right back in the house. My friends know they have a better chance of meeting Jesus than seeing me on a Sunday and I’m okay with that 🙃. When church was over, my sister from another mister said something about brunch and instantly I had a little jolt to my system, needless to say, she knows I’m a homebody and was not about to let me off the hook. Then I figured, I look cute in my dress and it’s a blessing to be thought about. Moreover, sis is a BAWSE and a true businesswoman AKA someone I look up to- I’m always learning something.

*Sidebar: 🗣🗣 Sistas, don’t be afraid to give your fellow sis the credit she deserves or big her up, even if she already knows her shit is flawless. Cheer for someone, as you know you’d want someone to cheer for you!

Believe it or not, we were together all day! That’s not much to anyone, but to me, that’s major, especially for a Sunday. Honeyyyyy!

Shoutout to Insecure!

We didn’t do anything groundbreaking. We went to Hibachi, talked, laughed and really enjoyed ourselves. Crazy thing, her boyfriend was there and he is a whole man of God, who uknowingly ministered to my whole life! No, cousin, I was not 3rd wheeling it, if they didn’t use terms of affection, you’d swear we were all platonic friends; but I am extra, so I had a great time making suggestive innuendos 😏😜. They are literally an ideal couple! *Jesus, hear my cry🙌* I learned so much from hanging out with them. It really wasn’t nothing but God, cousin.

I said all that to say this:

I was lovingly pushed out of comfort zone. It allowed me the opportunity to discover something else about me; a push from the right person can be a blessing to my life. Even my Mundane Monday was great, which I attribute to the joy that my sister’s necessary push gave me. My hope, for you cousin, is that you align yourself with the right people, genuine people, people who you have a real life connection with. This is the first push of many; sis managed to push me into Ministry this week, while I was petrified, she was right there smiling and cheering me on! THAT is how I know that God gave me just what I needed with her. If someone is pushing you, make sure they are right there supporting you, celebrating and praying for you. If they’ve pushed you and walked off, newsflash, cousin, they pressured you. Does pressure make diamonds? You damn right. It also busts pipes, though! Be pushed and pressed into something great, Cousin.

To my sis, my Jas, I thank you. Like I tell you, I am 10 toes down about you and the fam!

❤E❤